Come a joy so old.
Mind congested, could not sleep. So I am up butt ass
early in the morning. I hope what you read you can
also understand. I am pulled from my sleep by my wondering
thoughts. Isn't the present just a conjunction?
Something to just pass by in, and get through
hopefully with out looking back. Like a intersection
of two busy streets. People that pass by they don't
stop unless they have to. The overall aim is to get
through and keep going. Who wants to chill at a
intersection. Get out a lawn chair and a book and kick
it by the cross walk signal. The cars race by,
thinking about where they are going and reflecting on
where they have come from. Like stunning beauty of the
earth, moon and stars I have been baffled. Bedazzled
by the ticks of the clock. Puzzled by gashes in time.
The past: where I constantly equate myself. I measure
what I have done and when I have failed. I read myself
by this. Yet something I can't control, the past.
Thinking of the past I learn constantly from it's
mishaps and follies. I also glamour over it's triumph
moments of satisfaction. But yet, Do I need to relearn
what i have already learned? Why is my mind occupied
in the depths where I have been and have no access
too. I value all I am made of and all I stand for
through were I have been and what I have done. Yet, I
know deep down I am capable of more.
The present: A intersection, A passing point. Some
sort of amusement to let the time flow. A comfortable
period. At most an easy life. A transition period of
one joy to the next. A steady beat of a hidden drum,
never to stop and never to slow down. The most complex
of all mysteries, puzzles or phenomenon. The beat of
time. Yet, I don't fully exist in the present, at
least by attention standards. It is all a waiting
period. Waiting for my ride, It may come it may not.
That's the future: Where it may be real or it may be
fake. At it may even have taken place before it even
happens. All planned out in one's head like a sensual
walk on the beach. Planned to happen a certain way and
by a certain means. Something greatly looked forward
to. A multitude of experiences ready to take place. All
is possible when nothing has happened. The future
could as well be a pleasure in the present but just a
transition when it actually becomes the present. It
could also be greatly feared. The unorderness,
clueless direction, complexity of it all. It can
mind boggle many people and for a great length of time.
My future is always rising. This is where my mind gets
lost. In the endless solutions for what lies ahead of
me. I often, ask myself "Am I doing what I really
would like to be doing, cause according to my future
desires I am not." And I have to accept the fact and
bit the bullet. Or more simply just wait. I will wait
because it is what I am used to. Waiting for my
desires to reward me and have the thrill of conjuring
all new inspirations.